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Travels in Russia

Russian Remonts
Stop Theif!
Almost Worth Staying For
Offshore Your Rubles in Swiss Accounts
Russian Women
You Can Buy Anything in a Russian Kiosk!
What Did Russians Eat Before Potaotes?
Nothing Like a Birch Branch Beating!
Anything Can Be Scrap Metal
Serious Soviet Pollution
Day-Tripping Around the Garden Ring
The Russian Poezd
Yeltsin's Family
Soviet Photography
Happy Times in HTML Hell
Road Runners Rule!
Piva is Good!
A Subaka Says What?
Soviet Swimming
Manly Russian Men
And Peter is a Distant Second
Invest in Russia?!
The Zen of the Line
But He Went by the Name of Lenin
That Looks Just Like My Dom
Russian Adoptions by the Dozen
Internet Cafes Are Everywhere
Going to See Mama Russia
Going to the Movies
Russian Visas
Eta Notebook Batteria, Durak!
Fidelity is Not a Brokerage
Soviet Suburban Living
Taking the tramvai
Cash Transfers Across Russia
Time to go...
Do Your Spring Cleaning Now!
Reclama Nation
Russians Do Tours
Going Local
Pecktopan = Restaurants
Yevgeniy Primakov, Who?
101 Reasons Why NATO's War Sucks
A State Secrect: Women's Ages
Russians Blew up the US Embassy!
It's Dacha Time Again
I Love Me a Starlite Diner
Anything Goes at Night
Yesho Piedesat Gram Vodkoo
Shock Thearpy
IMF & Reform
Zoos Should Be for Politicans
There Was Giligan, And the Skipper Too
The Regions Exist?
Do You Believe the Media?
What is Russian Feminism?
Russian Music Rocks
Bye Bye Fast Food
Yest Klooch?
Addicts Are Addictive
Racism in Russia Too
An Education in Russian Politics
Orphans Are Lonely
Making Bliny
Nasty Newspapers
#51 If you get the jokes
Sick as a Dog
Those Crazy Russians
An Open Road Ahead
Iron Felix
You Can Buy (Almost) Anything in a Market
Education Makes Elections Happen
Ice Cream in Winter
Superstitions Are Sneaky
Ice Fishing in Sibera
Death is Painful in Any Culture, Anywhere.
Lenin is Alive
Every Thing is Leaking
New Russians
Go Dollar!
Corruption is Endemic
The Joe-Cool Moscow Crew
Taxes Will Find You
I'm Driven Mad
Holidays Last and Last
It's All About Location
Taxies Take You Everywhere
Russian Religion Re-emerges


Russia, January 25, 1999

The Adventures of Flat Jon

Flat Jon and I took a tour of the cool Russian capital: Moscow

Flat Jon chilling with an itch
Flat Jon on Red Square
Big Boy bracing the Bolshoi!

Flat Jon at the Bolshoi

The men chilling and chatting about the good times

Flat Jon learning new customs

On Wednesday, an odd fellow showed up at my office from Brookside, New Jersey. I've never been to Brookside, and I couldn't even say I know where it is, but if this gentleman is any indication, I would think that there are fine people in that city, especially those in Mendham Township.

This odd fellow was no less than Flat Jon! I first heard about him from my friend, Erika, who lives in Finland. She was lucky enough to meet Flat Jon and take him around Helsinki, before gracing myself with his presence.

Flat Jon, you see, is from Mendham Township, and he used to be just 'Jon' until a blackboard fell on him one day while he slept, and made him loose a dimension. Now he fits snugly in an envelope as he travels the world, avoiding the airfare costs and visa hassles, us three-dimensional people must endure.

All his friends in Mrs. Nelson's Second Grade class are following Flat Jon's travels around the world. I'm sending the pictures of him on this page, and a few others I took, to them, so they know where he is a how he's doing. I hope Flat Jon's friends make an album of his travels, so when he returns, he can remember all the places he's been.

He's sure been around Moscow, now! We went all over the city together on Saturday, going to Red Square to visit Mr. Lenin and see St Basil's Cathedral. Then, it was off to the Bolshoi, where Flat Jon greatly enjoyed the Eugene Onegin opera.

Flat Jon was too tired after the full day we had to experience the nightlife of Moscow, but I think that was for the best. He may slip by the folks at immigration, but the guards outside of the clubs I like to go to would not be impressed with his Reeboks. All the best-dressed men in Moscow wear dress shoes, like my black Doc Marten's.

So far, Flat Jon is a veteran of Alaska, Washington, California, Finland, and now Russia. As he is traveling until May of this year, I bet he's gonna make it all the way around the earth! He's already made it to two continents in five quick hops. Next stop, Singapore!

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