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America, February 9, 2004

Yep! Twenty-Nine for the Third Time

I swear! I am still 29 this year!

Kiss my ass!
And a hot 29x3 too!


WASHINGTON, DC- Friends and family of Wayan Vota, a Dupont Circle resident, are deserting their lifelong bonds with him in droves as his February 9, 2004 birthday approaches.

"Wayan was always clever, but there were only so many years he could pull the wool over our eyes," said one former friend, Miami, Florida resident Yana, 25. "His trick is to always celebrate with different friends and in different countries- that way, it's more difficult to keep a year to year tally of his actual age. He puts on a good show, but there was always something a bit off."

Sean is ashamed by his older cousin's deception. "I remember when we were kids, Wayan was four years older than me. Then suddenly, a few years back, it was 3 years. Now it's only two. The truth is, he's been saying he's 29 for two years now. I thought he was cool. But he's not, he's just old."

The popular and loquacious Wayan has attempted to freeze time when it comes to his own aging. But his shenanigans have finally caught up with him.

"It turns out that Wayan is in his early to mid thirties," said former co-worker Matt, 34, who was reached via cell phone in his mini-van on the way to pick up his four year-old twins from pre-school. "If he's in his thirties, what the hell is he doing without a mortgage or kids, traveling for leisure several months a year, and kicking up his heels at international discothèques? He's such a phony."

Washingtonian Beth, who went on a date with Wayan solely under the assumption that he was 29, shares Matt's sentiments. "He's 31?" she exclaimed when contacted yesterday. "That's the last date we'll go on. 31 is practically 40, which is just 10 years shy of 50. My father is in his 50's. I can't date someone my father's age."

For his part, Wayan is determined to use his 30+ years of communications experience to attract a new group of friends. Due in part to his youthful looks and suntan, he calculates that he can present himself as a 27 year-old and get by with the new group for three to five years.

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